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Sorry, need to vent this. I’m gonna explode if not. This will be a different post. I’ll call this “rant post”. I have been experiencing “back-stab anger” from my boss. What does that mean? She is mad at me and never mentioned to me this morning that she was furious about something I have done and instead of mentioning it to me straight to my face, she told it to her close office friend!  What’s worst, that close friend of her is also my friend, and apparently she’s the one who informed me about my boss’ anger. Bypassing sigh. Yes, I admit, I have been a sh*tty secretary these past few days. My mind had been into so many places right now (I think it landed into the deserts of Saudi Arabia right now) I’m having a hard time focusing on office stuffs. Actually, I am sick of it! But, do I have any choice? Yes, to quit. But is it worth it? I don’t have any idea. There’s a lot to consider before doing that much awaited freedom. If it happens, then what? Am I able to have peace if I’m not socially active? If I don’t leave my house to do my daily chores of bringing money to our pockets, does that mean freedom? The freedom of having no boss is ecstatically amazing! Just the thought of it makes me want to jump into my seat right now (I am kinda freaking paranoid right now as I heard my boss chatting to my other senior co-workers in our pantry). I could feel my ears burning, a physiological effect on me for being embarrassed/paranoid and the likes. Need resuscitation. ASAP!

i hate my job

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In addition, more worst than ever, my poetic juices had been little by little evaporating. My blog has been compromise by my wandering, unsteady mind. Cyber sleeping had been ineffective right now. I can’t clearly think nor write a poem, even a simple prose I can’t produce. Working to provide our necessity must be our utmost priority to extend the life of our physical body, but what about my emotional body? I’ve mentioned before that poems had been my way of bringing back my insane mind into its normal state, so writing a piece is like Advil for me, sometimes it act as my Carbamazepine.

Right now, a lot of question’s been bugging me. I don’t want to give up those stuffs that matters a lot to me, but what else must I do? Think, think… I’m spilling fake smiles right now. Could you help me WP world? :/

 

 

P.S.

Sorry for the interruptions. Usual business will be back…someday, I hope :)

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18 thoughts on “Rant Post (Pardon Me)

  1. Venting is good, too much steam and things tend to explode. Personally I sometimes resort to meditation, which isn’t always easy when you’re boiling, but the reason I do it is because it give me a way to channel what it is I feel into words afterwards. It has gotten me through grief and loneliness many times and I don’t see why it couldn’t work with anger or frustration as well. (:

    The trick is using the more uncomfortable emotions like any other tool and finding something that allows you to do that.

    • Thank you for your suggestions Fredrik but I think meditation won’t take effect if the subject of your ranting is just seated one feet away from you. Writing has been my way of channeling out all of my emotions but right now, it never really worked, that’s how angry I am right now. Too bad its not my nature to be like this, it just reached my nerves this time. Anyways, hope I get through this and move on :)

  2. Awe Jam…You’re in a rut…i really do think that some writing could help you get perspective…i hope this rant helped you feel a little better

  3. I was in a very similar position a few years ago. I grew tired of my job and all of the customers yelling at me over trivial things. One day I just decided enough was enough. I walked up to my supervisor and told him “This job is not worth the pay. I gotta’ get out of here.” I then said my good-byes and walked right out of there. I lived off my savings for awhile then did some odd jobs around my neighborhood. Now I make most of income from teaching guitar and selling my artwork on ebay. I don’t really miss having a regular job and I sure don’t miss having a boss to answer to.

    If you feel you need to quit then do it. But only if you are ready to do so.

    • I’m thinking about it actually, my hands been itching to practice what I have been taught, which is being a nurse. Everything is becoming very tiring right now. If time and money permits, may be I’ll shift to what I really wanted to do. Thank you so much for the support :)

  4. I kind of know how you feel not in the best position at work myself these days, it will pass or I will get fired either way is fine with me

    • hahaha!I think it is the former for me right now and the latter will sooner follow. And I must be ready financially or else! We must act quickly or they’ll get back on us (good thing my boss doesn’t have a WP account nyahaha) :)

  5. If you know where you want to be then it is up to you to choose the path to get there. It is always easier said then done but always worth the journey! Your muse is there, you just need time to de-clutter ;)

    • noooo, she doesn’t have a computer at all! It’s ok, some already oriented me that she’s like that… live with it, as my co-worker said. steesh :/

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